So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Enjoy the penises
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
