Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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