I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
