The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
