The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
