Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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