well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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