new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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