k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
