I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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