i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
