If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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