I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
