yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
