If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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