it wasn't lemon gatorade
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
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I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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