at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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