Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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