They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
