the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
