How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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