Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Still dying that you shit outside
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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