Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
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Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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