i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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