we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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