So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
