do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
