you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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