I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
