Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
