the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
