So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.