My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
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I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
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Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people