yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.