i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
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Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
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I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.