And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.