my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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