need another drink. this is the easiest way
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
