If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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