I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
