it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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