just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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