What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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