Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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