the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
