Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
