They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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