apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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