So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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