there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
