3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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