FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
