She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
