She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
