when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
