i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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