I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
