I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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