it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
