btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
