I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
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he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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