You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
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I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
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DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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