you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.