Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
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totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
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WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.