Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
