Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.

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(734): I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians. http://tfl.nu/rppl

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(313): View more from Michigan

That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.

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(313): That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve. http://tfl.nu/vdk5

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(440): View more from Ohio

last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.

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(440): last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired. http://tfl.nu/up5u

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(303): View more from Colorado

why im i the only drunk person in the library?

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(303): why im i the only drunk person in the library? http://tfl.nu/z5jl

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(301): View more from Maryland

i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...

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(301): i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty... http://tfl.nu/gk7p

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(404): View more from Georgia

i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay

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(404): i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay http://tfl.nu/pvcx

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(352): View more from Florida

Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation

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(352): Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation http://tfl.nu/era3

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.

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(506): No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better. http://tfl.nu/gi84

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(251): View more from Alabama

I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.

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(251): I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight. http://tfl.nu/6i3x

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(910): View more from North Carolina

shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.

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(910): shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose. http://tfl.nu/5ocp

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(216): View more from Ohio

I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?

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(216): I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america? http://tfl.nu/75bl

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(847): View more from Illinois

First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk

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(847): First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/kqu6

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(347): View more from New York

you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.

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(347): you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking. http://tfl.nu/78bt

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.

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(814): There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer. http://tfl.nu/un9n

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(573): View more from Missouri

Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!

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(573): Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go! http://tfl.nu/7mkv

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