u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.