i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.