she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
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Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
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He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us