Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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