Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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