You really coming over, don't trick.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
