Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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