I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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